Sinful Eats

CHARACTERS:

DOROTHY, a fast food worker in her early 20’s

MAN, in his early 40’s dressed in a business suit

WOMAN, in her mid 30’s with perfect looking hair and makeup

BOY, in his late teens wearing jeans and a t-shirt

Setting: A fast food restaurant called Sinful Eats.  A man opens the door and walks up to the counter and the employee standing behind it.  Her name tag says “Dorothy”.

DOROTHY: Hi sir, welcome to Sinful Eats.  How are you doing today?

MAN: I’m doing well, thanks.

DOROTHY: What can I get for you today?

MAN: (looks up at overhead menu) Yeah, can I get an order of lust?

DOROTHY: Lust?  Okay, and would you like a side of chocolate strawberries or condoms?

MAN: I’ll go with the condoms.

DOROTHY: Durex or Trojan?

MAN: Lets go with Trojan.

DOROTHY: Yeah, sure thing.  Anything else?

MAN: Can I get an order of envy as well?

DOROTHY: Sure, we can do that.  Do you want to do the lust and envy combo?

MAN: Yeah sure.

DOROTHY: Okay, with envy that comes with longing for somebody else’s happiness and wanting the promotion that went to your coworker.

MAN: Yeah, sounds good to me.

DOROTHY: With the lust, would you like that on the weekends or the nights you stay late at work?

MAN: Can I have it for when my neighbor Rob leaves for work and his wife Mary is home alone?

DOROTHY: Yeah, that actually comes with a hotel key as well.

MAN: Oh great.

DOROTHY: And when would you like the envy?

MAN: Can I get that every day at work?

DOROTHY: Of course (she rings everything up) Will that be all?

MAN: (looks back up at the menu) Uh, can I also get a Playboy magazine from the value menu?

DOROTHY: Sure.  Would you like a pair of fuzzy handcuffs or a can of whipped cream from the value menu as well?

MAN: No, I think I already have enough of those.

DOROTHY: Okay, so that’s a lust and envy combo with a side of condoms with your neighbor’s wife Mary as well as at work then a Playboy from the value menu.  That correct?

MAN: Yeah, sounds about right.

DOROTHY: Will that be for here or to go?

MAN: To go.

DOROTHY: Okay, so the cost of your order is going to be your dignity, an STD scare, and never ever finding true happiness in your own life.

MAN: Perfect.

The man pays and Dorothy hands him his receipt.  A woman walks in the doors and stands in line behind the man.

DOROTHY: Your number is going to be 69.

The man takes his receipt and walks away.  The woman approaches the counter.

DOROTHY: Hi miss, welcome to Sinful Eats.  What can I get for you today?

WOMAN: Hi, uh (looks up at menu) can I get an order of greed please?

DOROTHY: Yeah sure.

WOMAN: And would it be possible to get a large order of pearl necklaces and two orders of fur coats?

DOROTHY: Of course.  May I recommend some Prada shoes or a Vera Wang dress?

WOMAN: Yeah, I’ll take the shoes.

DOROTHY: Okay, and would you like your greed when you steal money from the Salvation Army red buckets or out of your ailing mother’s bank account?

WOMAN: Can I do both?

DOROTHY: Yeah, of course. Would you like anything to drink?

WOMAN: Can I have a glass of champagne?

DOROTHY: Yeah, definitely (she starts to ring these items up on the cash register)

WOMAN: Could you also tell me what’s in the pride?

DOROTHY: Yeah, there is ego, superiority, and self-admiration.  Its cost is peaking in high school and not having any true friends.

WOMAN: Could I get that in my penthouse suite or at my high school reunion?

DOROTHY: Yeah, both of them.

WOMAN: Hmmm, as tempting as that sounds I think I’m just gonna stick with the greed for today.

DOROTHY: You sure? Pride comes with a side of a first place trophy.  We also have a deal going on right now that if you get two large trophies, you get one free.  

WOMAN: Uh, okay, yeah, I’ll get an order of that too.

DOROTHY: Would you like a small, medium, or large trophy?

WOMAN: I’ll just stick with a small one for right now.

DOROTHY: Okay, so that’s an order of greed with a large order of pearl necklaces, two orders of fur coats with Prada shoes and then an order of pride with a small trophy on the side.  That sound about right?

WOMAN: Yeah.

DOROTHY: Okay (she starts to type on the cash register) So that’s an order of greed… (she continues typing) Plus pride… (she types a couple more things) Okay, so your grand total is going to be a gold digging husband who wipes out your entire bank account before running off with his secretary and being too obsessed with yourself to not see that people are constantly talking shit about you behind your back.  For here or to go?

WOMAN: For here please.

DOROTHY: Okay.  

The woman pays and Dorothy hands her the receipt.  A teenage boy walks in the door and stands in line.

DOROTHY: Your number is going to be 70.  Number 69, your order is ready!

The woman takes her receipt and walks away.  The boy walks up to the counter.

DOROTHY: Hi, what can I get for you today?

BOY: Uh, lets see… (pauses to look at the overhead menu) Yeah okay, can I get an order of gluttony and sloth?

DOROTHY: Yeah of course.  Would you like that everyday, during summer break, or during the holidays?

BOY: Can I get that for everyday?

DOROTHY: Yeah sure.  With gluttony, that comes with a 7-11 Big Gulp, a bag of Cheetos, a full tub of Red Vines, a birthday cake, and crumbs in the folds in your t-shirt.

BOY: Oh great, that’s perfect.

DOROTHY: Is an extra large Big Gulp okay?

BOY: Yeah, that’s good.

DOROTHY: Okay (she starts typing into the cash register) For the sloth, would you like that with grease-stained sweatpants or dirty, unwashed tighty whities?

BOY: Uh, I’ll go with the sweatpants.

DOROTHY: Okay, will that be all?

BOY: No, uh, can I also get an order of wrath for my girlfriend as well?

DOROTHY: Yeah sure.  That comes with a side of fist fighting, subtweeting, or gossiping.  Which one would she like?

BOY: Uh, what’s in the subtweeting?

DOROTHY: There’s 140 characters, passive aggressiveness, and immature bitchiness.

BOY: Uh, okay, yeah.  Lets go with that one.

DOROTHY: Would she like that during middle school, high school, or college?

BOY: High school.

DOROTHY: Okay, will all these be on the same bill?

BOY: Yeah.

Dorothy finishes ringing everything up.

DOROTHY: To go?

BOY: Yeah, to go.

DOROTHY: Okay, so the cost of the gluttony and sloth will be a muffin top, a filthy man cave, and ending up as a 40-year-old virgin.  Then with the wrath, that will be low self esteem and being suspended from school for cyber bullying.  Together, that all comes to sad lives and eternal loneliness.

BOY: Great, thanks.

The boy pays and Dorothy hands him his receipt

DOROTHY: And your number is 71.  70, your order’s ready!

Dorothy looks at her watch and turns around to shout to the kitchen.

DOROTHY: Hey Rob, I’m gonna head out for my lunch! I’m gonna go to Moral Meals across the street! I’ll be back in 30!

Dorothy takes off her Sinful Eats visor and walks out the door.